If You'll Just Shut Up And Leave Him Alone, The Ceej Will Answer Your Question Now.

 

The Ceej got so tired of hearing the same questions over and over again, that he put up a FAQ's page. That didn't stop people from asking, though.
In order of frequency, these are the questions The Ceej hears the most:

 

How did you come up with that?

If you have to ask, then you're not an artist. Coming up with it is the easy part. Coming up with it just happens. I have no control over that. The hard part is figuring out a clear and entertaining way to present it. This is why you don't know about the majority of my ideas. Because I just never found a way to present them to you.

 

I saw you perform (or just out in public). What's with the cape?

I'm a superhero in my spare time.  But, seriously, you can find the answer to that by clicking here.

 

Why does your website have white text on a black background? Did you know that's hard to read?

On the contrary, studies have been done to prove quite the opposite.  You're used to black text on white background because that's what Big Corp does.  However, studies have shown that looking at light colours on a screen (especially white) causes eye strain, headaches, memory loss, and fatigue, especially in people who suffer from migraines or seizures. These symptoms are comparable to staring at a light bulb in an otherwise dark room.  However, the white text on a black background has been even further improved by reducing the contrast between text and background, and removing the serifs on the fonts. My website is one of the easiest on the eyes in existence today. You're welcome.

 

I just heard/saw/read this work of yours. What's wrong with you?

You mean other than I refuse to live by society's rules for no other reason than they want me to? I guess, in short, what's wrong with me is that I think for myself. And, if that's something wrong with me, we could all use a little disorder.

 

I really like this photo on your site. Can I order a print.

I don't get this often enough to justify keeping a stock of prints and setting up a store. However, it does happen from time to time. If you would like to order a print, use the contact link at the top of the page and tell me the title of the picture you want, the size you would like, and your general vicinity in the world.  I'll get back to you (in most cases) within a week with a quote. The quote will include your print, your shipping, and a little bit to make getting it made worth my while.  At this point, if you'd like to purchase the print, you give me instructions on how to get it to you and I'll give you instructions on how to pay me.

 

You did know you can't sing, right?

I am aware of my vocal limitations, my voice has come a long way over the years, and I actually get compliments now too. Besides a lot of it has to do with what I'm singing. For example, I can singThe Greatest American Schizo flawlessly, but Learn A Flipping Lesson still makes me cringe. Freddie Mercury was just too good to parody correctly. My voice can't do what his did. I am, however, working to improve my vocals, both naturally and with software. But remember, my songs are about comedy so... The bad singing is... Part of the joke? Yeah. The joke. We'll go with that?

 

Why can't I find you on Facebook/Twitter/YouTube/Google+/MySpace?

Because you're not looking hard enough. The answer used to say that I'm above those sites and they're redundant, but my agents have always disagreed. They wanted me on YouTube and Facebook and so I am. Twitter is something that I'll never use, but there is a fan out there with an unofficial Twitter account for me.  Besides those, I have my own webspace, and I really don't care or have hte time for signing up for and maintaining a plethora of social media accounts.

 

How did you do <insert special effect here>?

Does David Copperfield tell you how he made the Statue Of Liberty disappear? Do the United States government tell you how they make billions of dollars disappear? I can tell you this much. It's either a practical effect, a visual effect, an editing trick, or a combination of the three. On occasion, it could also be slight of hand, but that goes under practical effect, in my book. My exact method will never be fully disclosed.

 

So, your music is like Weird Al, right?

Ugh... The short answer is yes. But, if you really know Weird Al, you can certainly hear the difference in our styles. Don't compare me to him. He's great. I own all his albums (and he owns three of mine) and see him in concert whenever I can afford to travel.  He may have endorsed my work, but that doesn't mean I'm "like" him. I'm just influenced by him.

 

Why are there advertisements on your website?

The short answer is that you don't have your AdBlock Plus up to date.  The long answer is that I had to sign up for a Google AdSense account to accept my invitation into the YouTube Partner Programme.  Since I now have an AdSense account, I'm putting it to good use.  I'm not going to be one of those people that forces you to see them. They do pay the bills when visitors to my website are interested in the sponsors, so I would prefer you don't block them, but you are free to do so, if you're so inclined.

 

Are you gay?

I don't feel I have to answer that question. If you've been paying attention, there is no need to ask.

 

Why are your short stories so long?

You mean from seven to eleven pages? That's actually very short for short stories. If you think that's long, stay away from my novels.

 

If FAQ's stands for Frequently Asked Questions, why is there an extra S? Doesn't that make it a redundant plural?

What am I? A linguist?

 

No, but you often correct and make fun of ridiculous aspects of English.

Okay, I'll give it a shot. Maths is short for mathematics. In the United States, they drop the plural on the short version and just say, "math." If I had to guess, I would say that, since the long is plural, as is the short, it's originally English in origin. I may be wrong, so don't quote me on that.

 

Already did. On your own FAQ's page.

Grr...

 

You used to have PayPal buttons for donations and purchases.  What happened to those?

PayPal's business practices, as much as they try to hide it, are no secret.  They've been known to freeze money, "limit" accounts (which basically means you can't do anything), and any number of immoral (and possibly criminal?) tactics.  My bank has been advising me for the longest time to drop PayPal and go with an alternative, warning me that, one day, it would happen to me.  I should have listened.  Don't make the same mistake I did. Leave PayPal before it becomes a problem.

 

Then, how can I donate to your art?

Instead of going through a shady service like PayPal or their ilk to take donations and payments, I've had my webmaster set up an actual check out system. You don't need an account with some shady money broker. Just a credit/debit card or some Bitcoin. These blue donate buttons you see all over the site will link to the page for that.

Donate To The Ceej

 

 

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